CHOOSING A MATE

My daughter is going to a wedding this weekend. It's her best friend from Kindergarden. I'm just hoping it doesn't give her any ideas!

CHOOSING A MATE

There would be far fewer divorces if women would take the time to find a suitable mate. The idea that a man can be ‘changed’ into the perfect husband is a fantasy of youth. First of all there is no such thing as a perfect husband. Second, it is impossible to retrain another human being after the age of three or so. The best thing to do is find someone whose mother has done all the work. As soon as you realize the guy you are dating has potential, insist on meeting his parents. Preferably on Sunday. Preferably when there is a professional sports game on. If the old man is splayed out on the couch with his hand stuck in the waist of his pants (or worse, lounging without pants) and loverboy’s momma is racing back and forth from the kitchen with snacks and beer; this is not the guy for you. If, however, papa bear turns off the TV when you arrive and momma bear is actually allowed to have her own opinions then you’re good to go. If baldness is an issue, you might take this opportunity to see a picture of the maternal grandfather.
If the visit was satisfactory and he is starting to look like serious boyfriend material your next task is to check out his living quarters. If he’s over twenty eight and still living with a couple of frat brothers in an apartment with a wide screen plasma TV, very little furniture and a refrigerator filled with beer--dump him. Your ovaries will shrivel up into raisins before Peter Pan is ready for a family.
On the other hand if his place is too tidy you could wind up spending the best years of your life with an obsessive compulsive who will want you to iron his boxer shorts. Look around carefully and ask if he has a cleaning lady. This would be good because if he is too busy or finds it too demeaning to clean his own toilet then it is probably a good bet he will not ask you to do it either. After all, you are looking for a mate who wants a partner not a maid or mother. So if this morning’s cereal bowl is the only thing in the sink, there’s one damp towel on the bathroom floor and a chinese take out box with something green and fuzzy is residing on a shelf in the fridge, things are looking good.
It’s a given that men don’t like change but that doesn’t mean they can’t live with it. How they live with it is what you should be interested in. If your significant other comes home after you just finished rearranging the furniture and demands that it be returned to the way he likes it you can do one of two things. You can tell him to live with it for one week. If he still hates it you’ll move it back. (By the end of the week he’ll be used to it.) Or you can move it back to prevent a week of pouting. If the second senario is the one most likely to happen then you better like your current hem line and hair cut because you’re going to have to live with them the rest of your married life.
Picking a compatible mate requires the careful analysis of your own likes and dislikes. Don’t like someone around 24/7? Make sure your guy has a hobby or two. Hate to cook? Find a guy who knows the difference between a colander and a sieve. Want children? Don’t marry an only child. They never learn to share. Love to read? The guy with nothing but MAD magazines on his bedside table won’t do. You need to have things in common, but not everything--how boring would that be? Dislike movies? Don’t marry a critic. Hate doing laundry? Don’t marry a guy who plays dirty, like a landscaper or mechanic. You get the idea. Think with your head, not your hormones. Choosing a man is easy. Choosing the right man takes time and effort but will be well worth it. Anyway, if the guy you thought was perfect for you turns out to be a stinker, you know what they say--the first time’s for practice.