A FOUR WAY STOP IS NOT A STATIONARY CLOVERLEAF!

I'm going off Island for a shopping spree tomorrow. I will have to refamiliarize (is that a word?) myself with the way the rest of America drives. Stop lights--oh my.

A FOUR WAY STOP IS NOT A STATIONARY CLOVERLEAF!

I realize that Island drivers are familiar with four way stops. I conducted some research asking my brother, cousin, daughter-in-law and three people from a soap opera chat room, and have learned that people from New York and New Jersey have probably never seen one before. They’ve put up ‘signage’ and turned what used to be the blinker light intersection into a four way stop. There were lots of complaints and debate, but let’s face it, everything causes complaints and debate around here. So in addition to the signs they left the blinker light but put red bulbs in both directions.
After living in Edgartown for several years I have gotten used to and even become fond of four way stops. I have to go through four of them just to get to the store to buy a quart of milk and a newspaper. I believe they are a very civilized traffic option as long as everyone follows the rules. Yes. There are rules. There are things you always, always do, things you never, never do and some things that are a good idea and some things that are a bad idea. I offer them up for our ‘guests’ from off Island, and those from up-Island who rarely venture down.
For instance, it is a bad idea to try to make your way through a busy four way intersection while chatting on a cell phone. It’s a good idea to keep track of all four cars stopped so you’ll know when it’s your turn to go. Never, never try to cross the intersection if it isn’t your turn. Always, always cross when it is your turn or you’ll create confusion and the driver behind you will start beeping. If you’ve lost track, the polite thing to do is wave the opposing cars through then go forth. This will teach you to stop chatting on that damn cell phone and pay attention.
Now it’s very important to remember that no matter how long you’ve been stopped, it doesn’t count unless you’re first in line. It’s not like a red light where everyone stops then everyone goes. And don’t try to sneak through if you are making a right turn. I repeat--it is not a red light. It’s also important to remember that occasionally you will come across drivers who have never encountered a four way stop or are daydreaming or yelling at their kids and will not follow the rules. So keep an eye out.
In order to successfully negotiate a four way stop you need to become familiar with the local use of hand signals. Everyone knows that a smile and Queen Elizabeth sideways wave means either, “It’s your turn” or “Please, be my guest.” A peace sign means, “Sorry, I wasn’t paying attention--go ahead.” A frown accompanied with a shaking fist means, “It wasn’t your turn, damn it!” And the universal clenched fist with middle finger pointing skyward means, “You are a jerk. If you can’t figure this out go back where you came from.”
Now that you know all the rules and regulations for navigating a four way stop I have one more heads up for you. There are certain individuals who do not believe the rules of the road apply to them since their vehicle has only two wheels. Nothing will foul up a four way stop faster than a string of bicyclists who blithely sail past the stop sign looking like a family of ducks headed to the nearest pond. These people think they are pedestrians and have the right of way. They aren’t, yet they go anyway. Look out for them unless you want to end up in traffic court charged with vehicular homicide.
The Barnes Road intersection has become as safe as the Cook Street crossing. Remember when everyone had a bumper sticker that said, “This car made it through the Cooke Street intersection”? Maybe the powers that be should consider a five way stop for you know where.