TAKING CARE OF BUSINESS

The hurricane was a big fizzle but it successfully ended the season. Almost everyone had their boat hauled out of the harbor and the exodus seems to have been permanent. Streets are lonely again except for the senior bus trips. And everyone is complaining about business. This isn't new, however, there is never enough business for the entire summer for everybody.

TAKING CARE OF BUSINESS

Business is down. Everyone’s complaining. It happens every year. The MVJCCC (Martha’s Vineyard Joint Chamber of Commerce Commission) is burning their midnight oil looking for solutions. They’ve put suggestion boxes in all the town halls and are doing surveys on the ferries. The number one thing the tourists want is - Ta Da! Who would have guessed it? - sunshine! We used to get a lot more tourists before everyone started watching the weather channel. Maybe we could hack into their computer....
The problem is, word got out that the Vineyard isn’t as exclusive as it used to be. That there are actually vacancy signs at some inns; even in August. This is not good for business. So suggestion number one is to take down those signs and burn them. Do not rent rooms after March 15. And make sure they pay up front, have a three night minimum and a no refund policy. There may be a drought next year but after that our reputation will be restored. That should pretty much take care of rentals.
The restaurants are complaining too. One of them has even stopped serving bread to cut costs. They’ve gotten so upscale that you practically need a microscope to see your portion of fresh Island sea bass with pesto-orange cream sauce and asparagus risotto. This has something to do with not being too rich or too thin, but I’m not sure what. Word’s out that you can get into some of these establishments without a - gasp - reservation. Suggestion number two has the MVJCCC speaking to the boat czar about playing music on the ferry with subliminal messages to make the tourists hungry for veal cheeks with poached ramps. Just don’t stand in their way as they stampede off the boat in search of a meal they will have to take out a second mortgage to pay for. This should help the food industry.
The souvenir industry tries very hard. Every year there are new T-shirts with new slogans. Unfortunately the only way to sell them is to get the celebrities to wear them (or take them back as souvenirs for their interns). Now there isn’t a self respecting celebrity who will wear a T-shirt that costs less than oh say $300. This is not good because your average day tripper will not spend more than $25 for a shirt unless the slogan is really hysterical or really dirty. The suggestion box, however, came up with a gem. The MVJCCC has made a deal with a few of our Island celebrities (you know who you are) to wear some of this year’s selections when they are out and about. That should help the economy. I can’t wait to see Spike Lee in a bad dog tee. Or maybe Diane Sawyer sporting one from the Monster Shark Tournament. When we start seeing Ag Fair shirts on the national news we’ll know business is back.
Now if they could only do something about the temperature of the ocean.